What's Going on?

First sentence that comes up when I feel the title is - "I don't know!"  The second thing that is so very present is this feeling I am experiencing of space- of possibility- of pure acceptance and gratitude- the more I feel that, the more I am experiencing the woman that I am living with and caring for- desiring to be near me.  I feel different about this too- in the past I would be aggravated or annoyed- again I am feeling acceptance and just handling each issue that comes up and returning to listening to the music and writing and connecting with people on Facebook.

Last week I felt aggravation and annoyance with everyone and everything- even my dear friend Jason told me a story and I got aggravated- I went dancing and got aggravated- it was mirrored for me by another dear friend who got aggravated with me.  I listened to others speak and experience the original, deep wound in the last few weeks- clarity is that I am caring for a woman who chooses over and over again not to care for herself- my deep wound of feeling the original separation from Source/God and how with that experience do I care for myself?  No wonder I was feeling aggravation, agitation, anger, fear....  This is not new- I have discovered and done the work around this wound and yet it is still present- OK- feel it, experience it, accept it!  It did feel different- I wasn't in any hurry to make it go away and I was curious about it- kept asking the higher version of Lynn to show me what I needed to see or hear or feel.

There was a pivotal moment back in 2008 when I came up from a meditation and felt done- I actually said the words- I don't care who is coming along, I am done and ready  to go on. This was echoed by many other beings on the planet at that moment and a shift occurred- not sure what it held in the collective- I know for me it looked like letting go of everything in the physical world.   I have been feeling that way in the last few days- first I was feeling it is time to move on from caring for this woman and yes that is part of it- but a deeper awareness of leaving a consciousness is present.  Leaving in love as I have been remembering over the last few years!  This leaving is not so dramatic or drastic but it does feel complete- I wrote about it yesterday after a walk and wanted to land it so here it is- so grateful for the computer on which I write- the blog on which it lands and the opportunity to have it land in this reality!  This leaving is also about remembering what it is that I wish to create- what world do I wish to live in.

I am very clear that it is time to leave this consciousness in love- what is this consciousness that I desire to leave?

·      the consciousness of lack

·      the consciousness of mine

·      the consciousness of negativity

·      the consciousness of fear

·      the consciousness of victim

·      the consciousness of not taking care of one’s self- even in service

·      the vampire consciousness- separation of giving and receiving

·      the consciousness of lying

·      density

I am in wonder what it would be like for the collective to shift this- I don’t know- remembering what it is that I always felt or that I felt and forgot-

• ·      the consciousness of richness and abundance and wealth- recognizing in all.
• ·      the taking on of I am God- all powerful and able to play well with others- the powerful witness of this.
• ·      the knowing that change happens all the time and change just means an opportunity to experience something else.
• ·      it feels and looks like all Beings able to communicate with each other without words- just with thoughts, a look, a touch.
• ·      it is knowing there is plenty of food, shelter, love, energy,money and these can be shared as well.
• ·      all the gifts- enthusiasm, playfulness, spontaneous creativity, joy, seeing it all can be shared and honored by those who receive; we receive as the sharing happens.
• ·             Witnessing with humility the gifts others desire to share and accepting with grace.
• ·      Everyone takes care of themselves including asking for help when we need it.
• ·      We live together in peace and co-create with nature and the environment.
• ·      Accepting and loving ourselves and all others exactly where we are.  I witness this powerfully.
• ·      Fun, fun, fun is the order of every day.
• ·      The ability to choose all this without suffering and understanding that some will still choose to suffer.
• ·      Lightness and life and magic.

AAnd in the words of my dear friend Elizabeth Feisst- And so it is!!!

THE MEETING OF WORLDS

I heard tonight from a woman I worked with in the nineties that what she learned from me is that people are better off for me having taken care of them; she witnessed me being that…she is about to embark on a new career as a nurse and is so excited and open about the difference she will make by just showing up!!!  She owns what she learned from me.

I cried when I heard that- is it possible that all along I was who I am just now remembering I am- honoring myself and the love that I give????

It seems to be an important time for me to hear this and integrate it, as I am caring for one of our elders who has had a brain injury.   It is the first time since 2009 that I am doing something that brings in cash and I haven’t been with our elders since the early 2000…

And it has been quite the wild ride over the last few weeks… how does one care for another who doesn’t want it and is resistant to care- how does one who stands for the sovereignty and individuation of each being on the planet care for someone and allow for that and for safety at the same time???

One of my gifts is seeing who people really are- that sometimes deeply buried light and vibration of love and also what they choose in each moment.  And so I bring that into how I care for this woman.

I saw yesterday that I wanted her to be different – that I wanted her to accept the help the therapists were giving by the suggestions and exercises and that I was given by the reminders- that was causing me pain…once I saw that I was able to release it and I made an authentic apology to her for what it was doing to her- causing friction, causing her to feel uncomfortable, causing her to feel out of control in her own home.  This awareness happened while I was playing with the little dog next door- I asked the dog what was different between her and the woman and the dog showed me she was ready to give and receive love- the truth is the elder is not.  The question then for me is “can I love her for exactly who she is” and the answer is yes.

Yesterday was also the day I saw the ego try to hook me strongly- a friend of mine used to talk about this and I have never experienced it until yesterday.  This elder usually doesn’t meet my eyes- yesterday while she was in resistance to something I suggested her ego looked at me with such anger and flash of hate- and tried a hook with words.  I was able to smile and not take the bait for the first time in two weeks.

So today was about what takes care of me in the parameters of creating a safe as space as possible for the woman- i.e. she wanted to take the trash out and I asked if I could accompany her- good thing I did, because she almost fell.  I suggested that if she really doesn’t want to participate in what the therapists are recommending she say so instead of saying yes and then creating tension between the two of us.  I have totally let go of any need to protect her, keep her safe from herself, and keep her from falling- and I love her for who she is.

I also got clear that I want to work with people who may not know how to love themselves (because I did not in the beginning and am still learning) but are willing- are open…

I was telling a friend of mine today that I feel like humanity is being played out in this condo in Boulder- I have remembered who I am and continue to return to that and this beloved elder is still working her mind to control her body, still resistant to change, not being present to what is and not wanting to accept who she is, not taking responsibility.

I am here to experience something that is part of the whole part of my Being here- I accept that, I accept that I created this- I love that I created this- I know she is a big soul to have called me in- and I am open to experience all that is for the greater good.

And today it is with more grace and peace than the last two weeks and for that I am grateful….  I am grateful that my bodily needs are being taken care of- food, shelter and now see how this is the perfect opportunity to open up to create what’s next in my offer of service to the planet…