THE MEETING OF WORLDS

I heard tonight from a woman I worked with in the nineties that what she learned from me is that people are better off for me having taken care of them; she witnessed me being that…she is about to embark on a new career as a nurse and is so excited and open about the difference she will make by just showing up!!!  She owns what she learned from me.

I cried when I heard that- is it possible that all along I was who I am just now remembering I am- honoring myself and the love that I give????

It seems to be an important time for me to hear this and integrate it, as I am caring for one of our elders who has had a brain injury.   It is the first time since 2009 that I am doing something that brings in cash and I haven’t been with our elders since the early 2000…

And it has been quite the wild ride over the last few weeks… how does one care for another who doesn’t want it and is resistant to care- how does one who stands for the sovereignty and individuation of each being on the planet care for someone and allow for that and for safety at the same time???

One of my gifts is seeing who people really are- that sometimes deeply buried light and vibration of love and also what they choose in each moment.  And so I bring that into how I care for this woman.

I saw yesterday that I wanted her to be different – that I wanted her to accept the help the therapists were giving by the suggestions and exercises and that I was given by the reminders- that was causing me pain…once I saw that I was able to release it and I made an authentic apology to her for what it was doing to her- causing friction, causing her to feel uncomfortable, causing her to feel out of control in her own home.  This awareness happened while I was playing with the little dog next door- I asked the dog what was different between her and the woman and the dog showed me she was ready to give and receive love- the truth is the elder is not.  The question then for me is “can I love her for exactly who she is” and the answer is yes.

Yesterday was also the day I saw the ego try to hook me strongly- a friend of mine used to talk about this and I have never experienced it until yesterday.  This elder usually doesn’t meet my eyes- yesterday while she was in resistance to something I suggested her ego looked at me with such anger and flash of hate- and tried a hook with words.  I was able to smile and not take the bait for the first time in two weeks.

So today was about what takes care of me in the parameters of creating a safe as space as possible for the woman- i.e. she wanted to take the trash out and I asked if I could accompany her- good thing I did, because she almost fell.  I suggested that if she really doesn’t want to participate in what the therapists are recommending she say so instead of saying yes and then creating tension between the two of us.  I have totally let go of any need to protect her, keep her safe from herself, and keep her from falling- and I love her for who she is.

I also got clear that I want to work with people who may not know how to love themselves (because I did not in the beginning and am still learning) but are willing- are open…

I was telling a friend of mine today that I feel like humanity is being played out in this condo in Boulder- I have remembered who I am and continue to return to that and this beloved elder is still working her mind to control her body, still resistant to change, not being present to what is and not wanting to accept who she is, not taking responsibility.

I am here to experience something that is part of the whole part of my Being here- I accept that, I accept that I created this- I love that I created this- I know she is a big soul to have called me in- and I am open to experience all that is for the greater good.

And today it is with more grace and peace than the last two weeks and for that I am grateful….  I am grateful that my bodily needs are being taken care of- food, shelter and now see how this is the perfect opportunity to open up to create what’s next in my offer of service to the planet…