Monday, June 18, 2012
Flock of Freedom: I don't know nothing about birthing no baby.....
Flock of Freedom: I don't know nothing about birthing no baby.....: Whew, what a few days it is...still is as of today, Monday June 19th when I woke up at 9:00 remembering a dream- to be shared later- and the...
I don't know nothing about birthing no baby.....
Whew, what a few days it is...still is as of today, Monday June 19th when I woke up at 9:00 remembering a dream- to be shared later- and then promptly rolled back to sleep until 12:00 noon- then getting up and feeling like I had been drugged, drank a whole bottle of wine..... coffee, please!
It all began on a bike ride this last Thursday- I felt a tiredness, a pain and pulled over- I have learned to ask my body what it is up and I heard we are not working well together- there is an out of balance ( the masculine and feminine). I breathed through the discomfort and asked what shall I do and heard just go on...so I got on my bike and went on..knowing that there was more to that message than the simple get back on the bike.
I have a business coach, Alaya Gold- and she is no ordinary business coach as this coaching business I am creating is no ordinary business (baby).... she channels guides, reads Akashic records..... is there to support me in stepping through myself (baby). We had a session on Friday and I never know what is going to come up- I chose to ask the guides what was needed next for me to step out and I heard a strong message to be fearless- to fly- that falling is no longer a part of who I am- I have to expect to fly and I have to trust the Great Mother to provide; thank you as it always helps me to write this down....
As I began to feel this, I found a tightness, tension in my vaginal area (vulva)- and the words came out of me- I have never given birth before and it feels like I don't want the baby to come out! I could feel my little girl that I have already done such work with in bringing her back safely, afraid...memory of my sexual abuse came up again as well as something deeper- something that goes back a long time- primal.... I took some time away from the call and went and screamed into a pillow, lay on the ground, cried and cried.... I have never birthed something all of my own- I have always supported another in the birthing- and that goes with having children too- always caring for others' children. As we continued on I got to speak to both the masculine and feminine and share what I was grateful for...that lightened things up tremendously and seemed to bring a balance and harmony back. It is clear that I am being birthed anew and it is showing up in the physical manifestation of the business- and that nothing will get birthed in a new way unless my masculine and feminine are playing well together.
So I was left with a suggestion by Alaya to plant and garden this weekend and get close to the earth with my vaginal area- to remember the enjoyment of touch and physical intimacy and to release the tension and tightness.
And so I felt all the feelings and memories that came up- and it was interesting because it wasn't felt in a devastating take me to bed for days way, like I used to feel things- it was a true feeling and without story- like I felt it and it was gone. I planted peppers and Italian parsley- I began and tended my own fire (which I have never done from start to finish)- I spent time in the hot tub- I spent time laying on the ground- I slowed down even more than ever- I remembered to feel the heartbeat of the Great Mother- I heard the cries of the children and said no- no longer saving anyone- and for once in my life over an extended period of time, I felt like I wasn't alone anymore- I could really feel the presence of my guides! I could feel the masculine and feminine playing together well.
This morning's dream was of me creating a program for children outdoors- there were cats all over the place and it was going well- until the alligators decided to let themselves out of their cage- and they frightened everyone and ate a cat! The alligators told me to take time to digest what I am learning and are messages from the ancestors and the cat told me to enjoy intimacy and physical touch- listen to my intuitive guidance and that whatever has been released will be replaced with something more suitable for who I am now!
I am sitting in such gratitude for it all- I love the stories that tell me what is up and trust that I do know what to do, how to be! Today's practice is before I do anything to check in with my masculine and feminine and see how it feels- to breath a lot- because even though I have never birthed a baby- she is coming and I am creating a world in which she is desired and loved and held and nurtured and taken care of!
As I sit here and read this, I feel the pulsing of life in all parts of my Being- especially in my vaginal area- the Baby is crowning.... And as I read it again I acknowledge my gift of being a midwife...
Love,
Lynn
It all began on a bike ride this last Thursday- I felt a tiredness, a pain and pulled over- I have learned to ask my body what it is up and I heard we are not working well together- there is an out of balance ( the masculine and feminine). I breathed through the discomfort and asked what shall I do and heard just go on...so I got on my bike and went on..knowing that there was more to that message than the simple get back on the bike.
I have a business coach, Alaya Gold- and she is no ordinary business coach as this coaching business I am creating is no ordinary business (baby).... she channels guides, reads Akashic records..... is there to support me in stepping through myself (baby). We had a session on Friday and I never know what is going to come up- I chose to ask the guides what was needed next for me to step out and I heard a strong message to be fearless- to fly- that falling is no longer a part of who I am- I have to expect to fly and I have to trust the Great Mother to provide; thank you as it always helps me to write this down....
As I began to feel this, I found a tightness, tension in my vaginal area (vulva)- and the words came out of me- I have never given birth before and it feels like I don't want the baby to come out! I could feel my little girl that I have already done such work with in bringing her back safely, afraid...memory of my sexual abuse came up again as well as something deeper- something that goes back a long time- primal.... I took some time away from the call and went and screamed into a pillow, lay on the ground, cried and cried.... I have never birthed something all of my own- I have always supported another in the birthing- and that goes with having children too- always caring for others' children. As we continued on I got to speak to both the masculine and feminine and share what I was grateful for...that lightened things up tremendously and seemed to bring a balance and harmony back. It is clear that I am being birthed anew and it is showing up in the physical manifestation of the business- and that nothing will get birthed in a new way unless my masculine and feminine are playing well together.
So I was left with a suggestion by Alaya to plant and garden this weekend and get close to the earth with my vaginal area- to remember the enjoyment of touch and physical intimacy and to release the tension and tightness.
And so I felt all the feelings and memories that came up- and it was interesting because it wasn't felt in a devastating take me to bed for days way, like I used to feel things- it was a true feeling and without story- like I felt it and it was gone. I planted peppers and Italian parsley- I began and tended my own fire (which I have never done from start to finish)- I spent time in the hot tub- I spent time laying on the ground- I slowed down even more than ever- I remembered to feel the heartbeat of the Great Mother- I heard the cries of the children and said no- no longer saving anyone- and for once in my life over an extended period of time, I felt like I wasn't alone anymore- I could really feel the presence of my guides! I could feel the masculine and feminine playing together well.
This morning's dream was of me creating a program for children outdoors- there were cats all over the place and it was going well- until the alligators decided to let themselves out of their cage- and they frightened everyone and ate a cat! The alligators told me to take time to digest what I am learning and are messages from the ancestors and the cat told me to enjoy intimacy and physical touch- listen to my intuitive guidance and that whatever has been released will be replaced with something more suitable for who I am now!
I am sitting in such gratitude for it all- I love the stories that tell me what is up and trust that I do know what to do, how to be! Today's practice is before I do anything to check in with my masculine and feminine and see how it feels- to breath a lot- because even though I have never birthed a baby- she is coming and I am creating a world in which she is desired and loved and held and nurtured and taken care of!
As I sit here and read this, I feel the pulsing of life in all parts of my Being- especially in my vaginal area- the Baby is crowning.... And as I read it again I acknowledge my gift of being a midwife...
Love,
Lynn
Friday, June 8, 2012
Flock of Freedom: Life Review Gift- I am an Empath
Flock of Freedom: Life Review Gift- I am an Empath: I was gifted with this video from another blogger I follow- Whitehawk! It is a bit lengthy and yet packed with gifts. As I watched th...
Life Review Gift- I am an Empath
Watching this video, I breathe in a passionate desire that has always been present for me to make life more sacred, beautiful, safe and peaceful. Watching this video, I claim my gift at feeling emotions and allowing them to guide me; watching this video I begin to see the gift being abused as a child was- it opened me up and I had always seen it as a closing down!
As I watch this I remember living with the beautiful ones in Mexico (Nancy, Olivier and Susan) and feeling an emotion and practicing the bringing up in an offer of openness and community- I am feeling this- allowing me to own what is mine and also allowing others to own what is theirs.
It was a sweet moment- one I wonder if we can all allow to happen again and again and again until we have a new world. And I wonder what that world would look like?
I Love all of our courage!
Lynn
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Flock of Freedom: Life Review
Flock of Freedom: Life Review: Life Review seems to be the theme these past two days as I came across the newest article by Lisa Renee http://www.energeticsynthesis.com; ...
Life Review
Life Review seems to be the theme these past two days as I came across the newest article by Lisa Renee http://www.energeticsynthesis.com; and a friend came with an offer yesterday - the offer was to consider that my story is not one she hears me speak of- the story of all that I have walked through- that this is the story that allows others to feel comfortable and safe during their own shifts in my presence- part of what I am now offering to the world as Freedom Coach.
I considered what my friend said and recognized that I discount the story- want to be done with the story and got curious as to what that means. I see the resistance in the wanting to be done and I know resistance doesn't work well in my life. So I get curious about my story, knowing that with the curiosity I open the door to wisdom.
The previous day I had a coaching call with Alaya Gold where we were co-creating an offer here in Pennsylvania, my new home; Alaya has discovered her ideal client is someone who desires to know their life purpose and also wishes to create new relationship- soul connection with another. I initially began working with her around life purpose and creating an offer to the world Interestingly enough, I have opened myself up to a soulful love connection again after so many years of not wanting, of resisting- the last significant relationship experienced in 2004-5. The event I came up with is tied to the desire for relationship somehow and what I heard Alaya say is if I choose to create the event around relationship- all that is out of alignment will be seen and shown to let go of and forgive! I always lean into what is up- that is my work- to take on my own issues, so that I can walk them out authentically and honestly with all! And then I can show up for the other!
So last night, feeling tired, I lay down around 10:00 PM to watch some reruns of Grey's Anatomy- the episodes was the one where Meredith put herself out there and told Derek she wanted to be with him- it was at a time when his estranged wife had come back in the picture; well something happened with me in an instant during this scene- where I experienced the fullness of that last relationship in 2004-5- the offer of myself and the choosing of another- the purity of that offer as all that I am-the seeing of who we both were at the time. I had no idea that there was still something present- believing that I had walked through it all!
....and as I write this, I smile deeply and allow all the gratitude for this relationship - all that it brought to me- all the learning- all the loving of myself- the seeing of my courage- of who I am.... it is quite a story! It is a story of love of another that mirrors the total acceptance of love of self!
All this in an instant and in the next instant, I could not remember who I was- where I was- what I was doing!
As I write this, I soften towards the story and see what gifts the story can bring and have an awareness that there is now a new story to be told!
I love Us!
Lynn
I considered what my friend said and recognized that I discount the story- want to be done with the story and got curious as to what that means. I see the resistance in the wanting to be done and I know resistance doesn't work well in my life. So I get curious about my story, knowing that with the curiosity I open the door to wisdom.
The previous day I had a coaching call with Alaya Gold where we were co-creating an offer here in Pennsylvania, my new home; Alaya has discovered her ideal client is someone who desires to know their life purpose and also wishes to create new relationship- soul connection with another. I initially began working with her around life purpose and creating an offer to the world Interestingly enough, I have opened myself up to a soulful love connection again after so many years of not wanting, of resisting- the last significant relationship experienced in 2004-5. The event I came up with is tied to the desire for relationship somehow and what I heard Alaya say is if I choose to create the event around relationship- all that is out of alignment will be seen and shown to let go of and forgive! I always lean into what is up- that is my work- to take on my own issues, so that I can walk them out authentically and honestly with all! And then I can show up for the other!
So last night, feeling tired, I lay down around 10:00 PM to watch some reruns of Grey's Anatomy- the episodes was the one where Meredith put herself out there and told Derek she wanted to be with him- it was at a time when his estranged wife had come back in the picture; well something happened with me in an instant during this scene- where I experienced the fullness of that last relationship in 2004-5- the offer of myself and the choosing of another- the purity of that offer as all that I am-the seeing of who we both were at the time. I had no idea that there was still something present- believing that I had walked through it all!
....and as I write this, I smile deeply and allow all the gratitude for this relationship - all that it brought to me- all the learning- all the loving of myself- the seeing of my courage- of who I am.... it is quite a story! It is a story of love of another that mirrors the total acceptance of love of self!
All this in an instant and in the next instant, I could not remember who I was- where I was- what I was doing!
As I write this, I soften towards the story and see what gifts the story can bring and have an awareness that there is now a new story to be told!
I love Us!
Lynn
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Flock of Freedom: The New World
Flock of Freedom: The New World: Wow--- I left Cincinnati on Sunday morning at 3:27a.m- leaving in love, leaving without ripples-just leaving- no running from or...
The New World
Wow--- I left Cincinnati on Sunday morning at 3:27a.m- leaving in love, leaving without ripples-just leaving- no running from or to- feeling strongly this is the next step.
Honoring the message to take a train- the adventure of that- I step onto the train with 2 suitcases, my purse and computer carrier- leaving a big suitcase behind at my dear friend's with clothes- not worrying about getting them back or needing them- just taking the next step. On my own- no help-how empowering!
I packed a lunch for myself knowing I would not enjoy the food provided on the train- apples, turkey sandwich, almonds, chocolate. Taking care of myself. How empowering!
As I sat on the train and got used to the vibration- at times I felt I was being held and rocked to sleep; at times I felt I was being shaken; waking up to surprises of seeing a large, powerful hawk sitting on a pole as we went by- witnessing a group of white goats gathered around a burned out area- a butterfly garden-the green mountains and rushing waters of West Virginian- the lush rolling, green farms of Virginia-the excitement and energy of Washington D.C- the sweetness and quaintness of the small towns around Washington D.C.-the emptiness and decay of Baltimore- the high vibe of Philadelphia. Thrilled and excited at it all- knowing where I was without asking, just knowing- how empowering!
I have been experiencing a pain in my left side for a few weeks- not constant- but present at times- I felt it on the train and felt the stuckness of something...breathing into the shaken energy and allowing the energy to get unstuck- the pain is gone! How empowering! Healing mySelf!
The people I met, I met totally in the present with no needs, just the adventure of a connection. I first sat next to a young man who was traveling to Kentucky to be with his child- leaving a high paying job behind with no promise of the future; then I sat next to a young man from Washington D.C who was returning from college for summer break- we spoke about seeing things through the eyes of children; as we pulled into D.C., I shared some of my knowledge of the Masons and the creation of the city- feeling him begin to see the sights he took for granted with new eyes; across the way from me from Cincinnati was a woman who showed kindness to me and I to her the whole trip- as we pulled out of one station, she came back from the bathroom having changed clothes- she was super- nun! We joked about it and she shared that she lives with an elderly nun who doesn't like it when the women go out in public without their habits- and she wanted to be comfortable for the more than 10 hour train ride! And then next to her was a young man who was helpful and friendly on the trip and on the last hour got involved with a conversation with his lady friend he was going to see- witnessing anger and hatred and victimhood; loving that part of me and then playing some of the music I brought with me and chanting! I felt no need to shift, change or desire anything else but the connections I had with these people and loving the mirror they are- I am enjoying this new way of Being! How empowering!
I enjoyed watching my nervousness come up as we pulled into the train station in Philadelphia- not knowing what this part of the trip would bring. A new experience and not sure of the outcome- asking for directions and help and getting less than satisfactory answers- choosing to sit down and breath and realizing yes I would have to spend the night in the station- watching the thoughts and stories come up and leave. I felt uncomfortable and I felt some excitement about the adventure. I witnessed the Amtrak people with no desire to help or change what I was seeing- the young man who just talked and gave the wrong information; the man who tried to tell the woman who didn't speak any English to purchase a ticket- she actually came to me for help and I helped her by being firm with their need to help her; the way another young woman who had asked for help and was told the wrong thing came to realize this and shared her anger loudly. I chose to keep asking the questions over and over and explore myself so that I was able to smoothly leave the station at 5:25 Monday morning! How empowering!
I attempted to sleep in the bright, loud station and actually found myself in a full journey- hearing the noise and seeing the lights multidimensionally- smiling and laughing. I was roused by the police at one point and asked if I had a ticket- not wanting "homeless" people to hang out in the station- hahahahaha- joke is on them! I am homeless. And I enjoyed seeing the people there who slipped under the radar, who were homeless- sending them waves of love and encouragement! I propped myself up at one point, watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy on the computer for enjoyment- how empowering! I felt the significance of this journey for all of us- ti wash;t just about me....
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