Coming Full Circle

The stopping of healing, the stopping of processing, the stopping of looking outside of myself for any answers, the stopping of trying to create what I want- as I write this I remember the dead hawks on the trip beside the road- one after another- then Susan and I spoke on it- for me I got that the hawks were always who I sent my prayers to God with- so now I was seeing them on the ground dead- I got time to only look here for the answers- here meaning touching this heart and opening up and allowing the answer… after we spoke we saw more hawks and now they were in the trees and the poles- not dead!

I was the one who got to drive the van back into Cincinnati- at night seeing the city lite up…pretty spectacular; my whole Being shook- here is where I lived most of my life- here is where the journey began- here is where I accomplished so much- here I still have people who remember me- here is where I left in 2009 after letting go of everything in a bankruptcy and foreclosure and went on the road- the road of letting go- the road of experiencing- the road of standing on my own for the first time in my entire life- the road of trust- the road of finding my way back to here- coming full circle both literally and figuratively!

I felt as though there are parts of me that I left behind here and I can feel those parts returning- the only words I have are about the way that I created here- in the world- creating a group of elder care professionals who got together to walk into something different around elder care- creating a Hospice team who served nursing homes lovingly and wholly- creating lots of relationships with men- creating lots of money and the losing of lots of money- creating a drum circle- creating all kinds of small group experiences- creating a house- creating losing that house- creating health- creating moments of illness- creating openings here where I can land softly!

Of all desires, the one that has always remained has been the desire of community- like minded and like hearted ones coming together and playing and singing and dancing and eating and loving and creating a new vibration- that is why I came to Cincinnati – feeling that vibration that was created between the four of us in Boulder and two leaving for Cincinnati- wanting to continue to experience that in the physical; and I landed first at one friend’s place where I felt such love and acceptance- and now I am at another friend’s house- coming full circle to the first landing I had when I left Cincinnati- but oh so  much sweeter and easier- it is like I landed back in the same story with different people and a different location and a very different vibe.

I do not know what tomorrow holds- I am comfortbale in this moment with what this moment is about – I have stopped trying so hard in this moment- I feel more comfortable in me than I have ever before and I am accepting and loving of me- and guess what?  If I peak around I see only the same on the outer……