The Fear

It has been an expansive few days and today what I am noticing is an underlying vibration of fear- what am I thinking going to Mexico with only this much money?  What am I thinking offering a class tomorrow?  What do I think I am doing?  Well the truth is none of these choices were created in the mind- these were both choices of the heart, of the Divine- created at a time when I was wide open and listening to something other than the mind.  As I write this I remember my mind wants to be a part of my life too and I soften- I have been a little hard on my mind because it has been pretty insistent today about  worry- so I remember to  widen back and ask my heart to include my mind and now I am breathing again.
At another moment today when my heart was wide and able to hug my mind, I was reminded that I had actually created powerfully- I have created house-sit and open invitation to stay once I get down to Mexico which is worth a few thousand for a couple of months- I created a free airline ticket worth probably $300- I created some equipment to use so that I can have groups over the phone or computer which is worth at least $100- I have created a travel partner who has a car so there will be shared expenses in travel which is probably worth a few hundred. So I don't have all the cash I wanted, I have all the things needed for the trip.  For right now I breathe and I am grateful for all that has been created!
This is a journey of freedom and I was reminded in my practice this morning - again my thighs told me- to let go of my way or my time stories.  This was emphasized as the 5 year old I live with cried loudly and sharply for 20 minutes about not getting something his way in his time!!!  What a powerful creator I am!  If  I don't get the message, I make sure the message is loudly mirrored to me!
So all day I breathe and am aware of this underlying vibe of fear and I still experience my creations and gratefully find a check in the mailbox from family/friend on the way to the monthly drum circle.  Keeping with the theme of the day of letting go of my way and my story, I let go of my djembe drum- leaving it to the drum circle because it felt right.  I am down to two suitcase and a strong desire to travel light which doesn't include my drums.
So right now, the fear is still present - not so loud, I am feeling a little tired and have a desire to watch Grey's Anatomy before bed- grateful for the walking of this day, the living fully of this day.
Love,
Lynn